The Power of Saying “No”

For many people, including myself, it can be difficult to set boundaries and say the word “no”. Over time, society has grown to perceive the word no as something negative and something to be fearful of and we’ve become desperate to avoid it, finding ourselves word-vomiting yes more than we’d like. 

For the power of Yes, there’s lots to be said. Yes is perceived positively, it supports risk-taking, courage, a candid approach toward life and it’s triumph cannot be minimized. ‘Yes’ is for the dream-makers, the goal getters and the kind. 

But, to say No? — the metal window suddenly slams shut and there’s an immediate and cold divide between yourself and the influence of another. A divide that isn’t celebrated or understood. A divide that characterizes a person as negative or antagonistic. 

The truth is, however, is that there is a hidden power behind the word no. A power that should be celebrated and accepted. A power that is liberating and helps create a healthier life. It’s a power that all should use and understand. 

The Big N-O

Why are we so fearful of No?  Is it the fear of rejection? Awkwardness? Disappointment? Potential loss of a friendship? 

Whatever the cause, learning to both accept and say no is actually the key to sustaining a healthy relationship with yourself and others. When we say yes and agree to things that we don’t want to, we end up feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and burned out. We prioritize the satisfaction and happiness of others over our own wellbeing and are focused more on counteracting the feeling of anxiety and awkwardness. 

And that simply isn’t healthy. 

I’m on a personal journey of learning that saying no isn’t something to be fearful of. I’ve recently had to say no on a few occasions – to dinner with friends, to opportunities and even to situations at work. I became so busy that I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and certain areas of my life started lacking attention. The biggest area was how much quality time I was spending with my daughter and partner, and I didn’t feel comfortable with that. My life became unbalanced and I knew that I had to take control and start setting boundaries in order to become happier. I began saying no to things that didn’t align with my goals, took too much energy away from important areas of my life, and to things that I simply didn’t want to do.

Truly, it was hard and there were times when I even felt nervous. I was so focused on the potential negative outcome of the no, that I never once thought about the possibly positive outcome, which is inane. 

What I did discover and found so liberating about saying and receiving the word no, is that it really isn’t the horror story that you conjure. Everyone on the receiving end of my recent no’s were so understanding and wonderful, and nothing bad happened. I simply set the boundaries that I wanted too. 

And you know what is so powerful about receiving the word no? At least you have the answer to your question! It may not have been the response that you wished for but at least it’s the truthful answer and you can begin processing it and moving forward accordingly. 

Top tips of handing the word No

1. Learn how to handle people’s reaction to the no

Due to whatever cultural or societal reason, the word no is always going to reflect negativity and cynicism meaning that unfortunately, most people’s reactions to it are going to be difficult to handle. Boundary setting evokes emotions. No matter what the circumstance or person, whether it be your manager at work or your best friend from childhood, people often are offended by no. 

Work firmly on maintaining your boundaries. Remember, setting boundaries helps achieve a healthier relationship with others. Don’t word-vomit yes just to avoid an uncomfortable situation. If you do, it’s likely to lead to further issues in the future, such as resentment, bitterness or exhaustion. 

Surround yourself with understanding and positive people who respect your boundaries. If your friends are offended and cause issues, consider whether these are the type of people that align with your life and goals. You shouldn’t fear losing a friendship because you’ve said no. 

2. Tune in to your inner sense of “yes” and “no”

Try to understand and uncover what your personal boundaries and limitations are. This will help in setting boundaries with others. We all have an inner sense and intuition. When we choose to ignore this little voice, problems can begin to arise because we’re going against how we truly feel. Using tools such as meditation and mindfulness help you tune in with your inner sense and teach you how to understand and analyze your thoughts and feelings in that moment.

3. Look after yourself 

Make sure you engage in acts of compassionate self-care, which can help you reconnect with yourself and feel energized. This is important if you are expecting to be compassionate and caring towards others. 

Set aside some time each week to focus purely on yourself. We all have different methods of relaxation and different things that we enjoy but make sure that whatever it is, you’re feeling more energized and connected from it. Maybe it could be going for a run, reading a book, taking a nice long nap, going to the spa or going for a coffee by yourself. 

Ultimately, you deserve to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you give to others.

It’s Natural…

Saying no isn’t easy, especially when you’re at the beginning of your boundary setting journey. We originate from caveman and its part of our ancient psychology to feel like we’re accepted and liked by our ‘pack’. It’s natural. Saying no can feel like a risk and feel like you’re going against the grain, but sometimes it’s necessary for your own personal happiness and growth. 

It's helpful to remember that when you say "no" to things, you become more available and have more time to focus on the projects that truly excite and energize you. You’ll experience less stress and triumph more within your relationships. 

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I hope you enjoyed this article and are able to apply The Power of Saying ‘No’ to your own life! If you found this helpful, we’d love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @callepatasalada!